Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am one with the molecules
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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