Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
