I wish I only lived at night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
