And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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