I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
