Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
