Will you blow on my dice?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
