i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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