have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
