peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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