9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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