This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
