ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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