it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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