you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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