I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
