i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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