took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
