He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm passing your future prison.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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