My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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