Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
