You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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