1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
