Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
