i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
