hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
