Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
