Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
