omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
