He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
