if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
