U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
