his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
