is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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