The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
