I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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