I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
