i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
