I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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