if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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