Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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