Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
