I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
