She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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