I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
