there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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