so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
