I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
