You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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