apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
